When you have friends and family who identify as gay or lesbian, sometimes you find yourself in a dilemma. If a homosexual couple asks to spend the night, do you allow them? You want to be kind and welcoming, but your conscience is telling you that something is amiss by allowing them to sleep together in one of your bedrooms. What should you do?
Decades ago, I formulated a principle to help me navigate situations in which someone who identifies as gay or lesbian is making a request of me. I call it the “Principle of Consistency.” It has helped me navigate a whole host of situations in which I’m unsure how to proceed. Here’s the principle: Treat a homosexual the same way you would treat a heterosexual in a morally comparable situation. In other words, ask yourself, how would you respond in a similar moral situation if the person were heterosexual? Whatever your answer is in the situation with a heterosexual should probably be your answer with a homosexual. I say “probably” because it isn’t 100% foolproof. However, this principle is a guide to help you consider a request by way of analogy and helps handle many situations.
For example, I’ve had many Christian women ask me what to do about a female friend or co-worker who had expressed romantic interest in them. I ask them how they would respond to an unwanted request for a romantic relationship from a male friend or co-worker (Principle of Consistency). The usual response is to say they’re not interested and that they simply prefer to be friends. My advice to the Christian woman is to tell the female friend or co-worker the same thing: “I’m not interested. Let’s just be friends.” Notice how thinking of a morally comparable situation with a heterosexual helps you to know how to respond with a homosexual.
What about the situation where you’re asked if two homosexual men can stay the night in a bedroom in your home? Here’s how I would handle the request. I apply the Principle of Consistency by trying to think of a morally comparable situation that involves heterosexuals. For example, would I allow a boyfriend and girlfriend to stay the night in a bedroom in my home? No, because I don’t want to condone the sexual sin of fornication. I only allow married couples to stay the night together in my home. I can apply the same logic to the situation with two homosexual men. I wouldn’t allow two men to stay the night because I don’t want to condone the sin of homosexual sex. Notice, both fornication and homosexual sex are morally comparable because both are sexual sins.
Now, I’m not arguing whether you should allow an unmarried heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple to stay together in your home. I’m suggesting that you set your boundaries consistently. Don’t permit one type of sexual sin and prohibit another. If you’re going to allow an unmarried heterosexual couple to stay the night, it’s inconsistent to deny a homosexual couple. If you would deny an unmarried heterosexual couple a night’s stay, then it’s fair to deny the homosexual couple.
You might even consider pointing out your reasoning to the homosexual couple if they protest. Let them know that you wouldn’t allow an unmarried heterosexual couple to stay together either. You’re demonstrating that you hold a principled decision that applies equally to all people in morally comparable situations.
What if the two homosexual men are legally married? Should that change your answer? This raises another issue. It’s true that same-sex marriage was codified in Obergefell v. Hodges in 2015. But just because something is made legal, that doesn’t make it moral. Slavery was once legal, but never moral. It was never just to own another human. Abortion was made legal, but it’s not moral. Court rulings and laws can’t legitimize immoral ideas or actions. Making same-sex marriage legal never made it moral. Obergefell v. Hodges did not create man-man or woman-woman marriage because Supreme Court decisions are impotent to create such things. Therefore, even though a homosexual couple may have been legally married, they are not actually married. Since they are not married, I can’t treat them as if they are and allow them to stay together in one of our bedrooms.
Life is messy and full of awkward and uneasy decisions. But thinking logically and applying biblical principles equally among comparable situations helps to navigate difficult questions with biblical fidelity.